So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
