yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
