I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
