I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
