I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
