my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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