Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
