Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
