im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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