My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we're so committed to being not committed
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