This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
