Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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