I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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