You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
