It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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