I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
