Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
