dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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