My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
