Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
