The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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