dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
