her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
