Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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