D3 body, D1 cock
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
