At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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