so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
