Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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