Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
