How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
