Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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