new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
