but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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