haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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