Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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