Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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