Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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