I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
