It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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