I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
