Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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