No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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