he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
