seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
