i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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