pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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