Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
