So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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