i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
