I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
